William Greer of Philadelphia is $200,000 richer, thanks to his mother. This is because his mother asked him to check his old lottery tickets after there was an announcement on the news about an unclaimed winning lottery ticket. The ticket was sold at a store that William frequented, and was about to expire. People like him deserve to find the ticket the day after it expires. How do you save a lottery ticket for a year, yet never check it? If you thought it didn't win and you weren't going to double check it, why keep it? These aren't trading cards; in 30 years, a losing lottery ticket will still be worth $0. Why do stupid people get so lucky? They get everything: $200,000, helmets, reality t.v. shows. It just isn't right.

Another person that deserves an extremely late-term abortion is a woman in Israel. She bought her mother a new mattress and threw out the old one. Only thing was, there was a million dollars in the mattress! The daughter actually knew the money was in there, but forgot about it. It amazes me that you can forget that there are a million dollars anywhere. If my family had a million dollars hidden in our house, first I would be angry at them since they have a million dollars and I drive a beat-up '95 Ford Taurus, but I would also double check anything that was ever thrown in the trash and pat down anyone that left the house.

Starting next year, every Dunkin' Donuts, McDonald's, and a bunch of other fast food restaurants in Massachusetts will have to prominently post the calories of all of their menu items. This law is part of an anti-obesity campaign launched by Governor's administration. It's a good thing they passed this law. Now we will see the truth, McGriddle's are not health food!

Actually, no one is finally going to realize "wait, large fries have more calories than sliced apples? My mind is blown!" I get the argument though, if people know the amount of calories they can make better decisions. But do we really need laws passed to let us know a double cheese burger is not a good idea? I'm a little overweight and I know the question: Do you want to be in great shape... or do you want a cake. So far, I'm leaning towards cake.


This is not just bad food... it's bad parenting
Ever notice the formula for childhood obesity? The bigger the size you order for your kid at a fast food place, the bigger they will be. As you can see, he has supersize. That's why it's bad parenting... this kid will grow up to be a stunt double for the Michelin Man.

I found out about a dating site a long while back called Plenty of Fish, and I actually almost registered for it. Even though I would have probably gotten bored of it within a month and never used it again. It's still interested for two reasons- the registration word it gave me, why would I even register for a dating site?...

... well I probably just wanted to get laid.



Isn't that offensive?! It assumed I was white!
By the way, I did not mess with the pictures to say that. All I did was put the red circle around the word, other than that I suck at photo editing.

At least it feels like it, because it was torture. I've been getting my hair cut at the same place for a year now. I usually stick to the same place to get my hair cut for as long as I can because I don't like change (which would explain why I've celebrated my 1st birthday 22 times). Plus, 99% of the people who cut hair there are women. So the way I see it, I pay $15 for hot girls to talk to me and get a free haircut out of it.

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A woman in Colorado is alive today after being chased by a bear. She was walking through the woods when the bear appeared (pictured right) and started to follow her. Usually people are told to be as quiet as possible and play dead in this situation. She decided to scream and started to run of course. I don't blame her. I feel like "playing dead" around a huge bear that can kill you is just a horrible joke by forest rangers who are getting us back for not preventing enough forest fires. The woman was able to safely get to a road away from the bear but thanks to God, being the sick ironic s.o.b. he is, she was instead hit by a car.

Later on in the day, forest rangers went out to find the bear, tranquilize it and had her identify the bear. They had to know what bear it was to kill it since it was waaaaaay to comfortable messing with humans. I have no clue how she did that. I can barely identify my own friends yet she can tell what bear (which all look exactly the same) chased her. Did they put a couple bears in a line up? Then she checks them out and is like "nope, it's not number one. The bear that attacked me didn't have a mustache." After that a cop asked them to say "Grrrrrrrr" to see if she recognizes the voice.

By the way, is the fact that I didn't know what kind of bear this was but because it was a bear that was in trouble with the law, I subconsciously choose a black bear at least a little racist?